It was the night before Christmas eve, when all the pilgrims went back to town. Thanksgiving was over they were all sad. But they knew Santa would bring joy tonight. Although in the North Pole that was not going planned as they thought it would. People were starting to not believe in Christmas, and the believers gave the elves magic. They barely had 200 toys made, and there's way more kids in the world than that. Santa sent his top elf, Freddy.
Freddy was not really an elf, he was a human sized ginger bread man. It was hard for him to work there knowing he was different. Well Santa sent him of on a cookie down candy lane. Freddy fell asleep half way there. When he woke up, he was in the woods. He started to walk, then he noticed a big huge city out in the distance. He ran as fast as he could. When he got out he didn't stop running and ran into the street. He got hit by a car on the way to the other side of the street. Thank gosh, he was fine though, he got back up and ran faster to get to the sidewalk. He saw the Empire State Building and knew he would love it. When he got to the elevator he pressed a button. It made a ding noise so he pressed the top button.
There was a button that made you go faster. He loved the noise so he pressed it 22 times. He got so fast when he got to the top, he didn't stop the elevator broke through the ceiling, he was now flying over the Empire State Building, in an elevator. He didn't know what to do, but he had a little magic left in him, so he used it to make him self go slow motion. When the elevator was about to hit the ground he jumped out of it, and landed on his feet. When the slow motion stopped, everyone asked if he was okay. He was fine but one of his gum drop buttons fell off and he couldn't find it. It turns out a little kid was sitting on a bench eating it. Freddy was very sad but the kid was very happy so he was fine with it.
Freddy found one of the biggest stores in New York. It was decorated like it was a ginger bread house. He thought his parents, that he had never met where there. So he walked into the store. When he got into the store he saw, a bunch of little kids eating ginger bread men and houses. Some were eating houses, dogs, men, their wives, or even kids. He got so mad but then he saw how happy they all were. He calmed down and tried one of the cookies. He thought they were pretty good. Freddy noticed that there was a job that they wanted. He went to the manager and asked if he could have the job. The manager told him he had to make a ginger bread cookie first. When he was done making the cookie, the manager ate. He thought it was magnificent! He said Freddy could have the job, his salary would be 200,000 dollars a week if he brings in more customers.
Over a month he had 1,000,000 dollars worth of salary and tips. He had a ginger bread mansion, and he was the most wealthy man in the world. One day on Christmas eve, people came in all day, they were selling hot chocolate along with cookies to make the customers warm. When it was the end of the day, Freddy had 200,000,000 dollars worth of tips! When he got home, his house was on fire, all of it had burned down. He called the police, and said that some freaky terrorist burnt down his house, or something. When he got off the phone someone put a pillow case over his head. He yelled as loud as he could, but nobody heard him. When they took the case off of his head, he was in the shop. There were three men and one woman all with paper bags over their heads. Instead of freaking out he simply said "Wow, you guys must be really ugly if you have those paper bags over your heads."
They got mad, so the littlest one took one of his gum drop button of and ate it. He was getting mad, but the family found out his weakness, family. So the kid looked like he was happy, so Freddy couldn't help to be happy too. When the kid was done eating the gum drop, Freddy asked him why he did that? They all just pulled off their paper bags. They were employees before he started to work there. The manager fired them because business was so high. Freddy said he was sorry. But it was too late for apologies. The family told him if he doesn't quit his job tomorrow they would kill his dog.
The next day at work, he was going to quit, but he saw all of the families. They were all happy so he couldn't quit. On his break he went to his house and got his dog. When he got back to work, he noticed that it was on fire. There was a note on the sidewalk saying that he should of quit. Not your dog but your whole work, all of the customers, little kids, and workers. Now you know how it feels to be fired just because someone comes in and ruins it all!
Freddy called the police and told them about the shop. When they got there the car blew up. Freddy knew who did this, so he went back to his house. In the back yard there is a cellar with guns big and small. He went to the cellar, and got the biggest gun he could find. It was actually a tank the size of his house. He searched the town night and day for a whole week, but they were nowhere to be found.
Finally one day he saw them running north to the empire state building. He road his tank half way there and walked the rest of the way, just so they don't hear the roar of the tank. When he got there they were just getting into the building. He yelled for them to stop. They did, then they turned and their eyes turned red. The sky turned dark red. A huge mouth, came down a grabbed him, and brought him up to the sky. He screamed with horror. The mouth took a huge bite out of him.
When his crumbs hit the ground, he woke up. Yes, it was all just a dream. Well, today is now Christmas eve, so Freddy is terrified, because he thinks Santa might send him there again! When he got into the toy work shop, they stared at him in a weird way. Santa told him he looked different today. He went to go look into a mirror. When he looked he saw that there was a huge bite that was taken out of him.
He didn't know what to do, he thought the dream was real. So he ran back to his cold cabin and found a dog in the corner, with a huge piece of ginger bread in his mouth. He was done being happy just because other people were happy. In fact he was so mad, he punted the dog across the cabin. When he hit the wall it disappeared, he was in shock of what just happened. The broken piece of ginger bread re-appeared . The room started to turn a very dark black. Everything disappeared, then the room turned into a waterfall.
He slowly started to walk into the waterfall, on the other side there was a long cave. A deep voice told him to follow the cave to happiness. So he did, when he got to the end it was very bright and sunny. There was a castle in the distance. He ran, day and night. When he finally arrived, he knocked loudly on the door. Two people opened the door, and said they were expecting him to come. He felt weird now that he knew that, but he still walked into the huge golden gate. There was a huge hall that lead to a big chair. When he first got there, nobody was sitting in it. Then a man with a crown appeared in the chair out of nowhere. Freddy asked who he is and where he came from? He said he was the King of Gingeria. Freddy asked what Gingeria was? The king said it was heaven.
So it was true Freddy had been eaten that one day, that he thought was dream. The king told Freddy that he could stay in one of the biggest rooms here, since he died the most painful and slow death. Freddy barely remembered half of what happened that day, so he accepted the offer. Freddy told the king what happened in his real life. Apparently the king had been watching him the whole time. Freddy got upset, because the king did nothing to save him the day he had died. So he went up to his room.
When he got to his room, his dog was laying on the bed. Freddy was excited to see him again. They went outside where there was a lake, and clouds that were very bouncy. They bounced for hours, it turns out that if Freddy or the dog were to think of their favorite food it would start raining that exact food. They were so happy, living in heaven where anything that was impossible on Earth would happen.
There was one thing the king didn't tell Freddy that day. He would have to re-live his death over and over again every year. In fact every night Freddy would hear screams from all of the people living there. It terrified him, and yet he still didn't know what was happening. One day when he woke up, it was his time to re-live it. He roared for help, but nobody could hear the scream through the huge room. Once he was done re-living it, he appeared back in his room calmly.
He ran to the king, but he was not there, because it was his time to re-live the experience. Freddy went back to his room and thought of paper, it started to rain paper. He thought of ideas all day of how to kill the re-living, or the Reaper. He went for hours, using up all of his paper, then thinking of some more.
By next year he would be ready for the battle of his life. He practiced with his dog every day. He thought of weapons that he may need to use in the battle. Freddy knew what was coming, but he didn't know when it would come. So he got the people in heaven to practice and be ready for the fight.
Today was the day. Freddy woke up and right then and there, he knew that it was time. He grabbed his weapons, and saw the mouth coming down. But in the background he saw the Reaper controlling the mouth. Freddy ran as fast as he could to the reaper and stabbed him with his samurai sword over and over again. Nothing happened to the Reaper. Freddy realized that he couldn't defeat the Reaper, but he could defeat himself. He stood in front of the mouth, but every time it got close Freddy would run towards the Reaper just a little bit more every time.
Finally Freddy reached the Reaper. Freddy just stood there until the mouth got to his face. The mouth took a huge bite out of Freddy, but it swallowed the Reaper, whole. Freddy knew his job was done but now he was aching with pain. The king returned him to heaven. Although this was not a good thing, the king was furious with Freddy for killing the Reaper. Freddy asked why he was so mad? The king said that the Reaper had made a deal to create a heaven for the dead ones, but only if they re-live their deaths every year.
Freddy was surprised, then the clouds disappeared and Freddy was back on Earth. Everything was back to normal. The shop was open and filled with kids, the town was fine and filled with joy, because Christmas was right around the corner. Freddy's job in New York was finally over. He returned to the North Pole where Santa and the elves were waiting to congratulate him for his great work.
Freddy didn't want to stay in the North Pole, he thought his life would be better if he went back to America. But this time he didn't want to go to New York. He wanted to live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Santa was surprised with Freddy's decision. Freddy felt different since he was not an elf. He thought he would feel right, in the frozen tundra, badger state.
Santa approved of Freddy leaving the North Pole, to live a happy life in Wisconsin. When Freddy left, there was one more thing he wanted to do. He made a toy for a kid that maybe he would find that was nice enough to get the toy.
When Freddy got to Wisconsin, he was in Milwaukee. He saw what it was like there, and he loved it, but he wanted a nice place to live. So he went to Pewaukee, that's where he was soon to meet his new best friend, Xavier Straub. When the two of them met, they talked about what it was like in the North Pole. Freddy began to talk about, and out of nowhere Brett comes out and takes the biggest bite he can out of Freddy. Freddy was pretty mad at first but he got over it.
The bus was coming to pick us up, so we got into a straight line. When we got onto the bus Sara, Natalie, Kati, Mitchell, Gabe, and Mrs. Colque were all staring at Freddy. Freddy, has had this happen before so he just said Hello to all of them. They all asked here he came from. Xavier said that Santa sent him to New York because people didn't believe in Christmas anymore. But then he was killed and brought to heaven, then Santa brought him back with his magic, but the Freddy wanted to come here so Santa sent him here. Everyone laughed as if they didn't believe him.
But once Freddy told the story everyone finally believed that it was true. Freddy fell asleep on the way to school. When they all got there Freddy got out of the bus and almost fell off the ledge. Yes, school was in the sky for Xavier. The school they went to was Academy 21. Freddy was so scared, because he had never seen such a thing, even when he was riding the sleigh with Santa. Although he thought it was pretty cool. T Everyone's first hour class was Academy 21, they had ALEKS, Blogger, then an advisory meeting. When the bell rang for second hour, Freddy asked where we would go next. Xavier was already out of the class room. Freddy was a bit faster than Xavier, so he caught up to him, but he still couldn't stop him.
Xavier ran as fast as he could to the ledge of the school and jumped, in fact everyone jumped. Freddy was screaming, because he had never seen such a thing. Xavier yelled for him to jump, and that they would catch him if he doesn't stick the landing, so Freddy jumped. When he thought he had hit the ground, he had just hit a water bed in the middle of the school. There was a hole in the roof, of the school that would let people just jump down and be caught by a water bed. After Freddy got off of the water bed, he started to talk about how he wanted to do that again. Everyone said that when the bell rang again they could start jumping on the bed and it would bounce you back up to Academy 21. Xavier's second hour class was Multimedia, so Freddy went with him.
When they got there, Kevin was saving them a seat. Xavier introduced Freddy to Kevin, right away. Today in Multimedia, everyone had to create a commercial on a brand of whatever you want. Xavier picked Nike shoes, Kevin picked Adidas shoes, and Freddy picked skate board shoes. The whole time they weren't really working on the commercial, they were introducing Freddy to the world of 2010 music. He thought that the music was amazing, he thought it was better than Christmas music! When the bell rang, Xavier and Freddy got on to the bed and started to jump, higher and higher they went, and soon they were at the Academy 21 school.
In Academy 21, they had an advisory meeting on Blogger. After they were done with the meeting they went back to Academy 21 and played games until fourth hour. In Fourth hour they had Rising Stars, something to help you with leadership and attitude. That basically took up the whole hour, so when they got back, they did some ALEKS. They only got about four topics done because after every topic they would go on a game site.
When the bell rang Freddy and Xavier ran off the edge for Lunch. Today's lunch was Subway. Xavier's favorite. Freddy never had Subway, not in the North Pole. When he took his first bite, it looked like he drooled a little he thought it was so tasty. After he finished he let out the loudest burp I've ever heard. They all laughed, but then the teacher caught them in the act. She gave them all detention, but they didn't care that was hilarious.
After Lunch was finally over Xavier and Freddy had P.E.. At first they just were walking but then Carson tripped Xavier, it wasn't cool. Xavier didn't care he just got up and kept walking. When they met up with Brandon and Austin, they had to run. When the running session stopped it was time for badminton tournament. Xavier and Madeline were already on a team so Freddy had to be with Joe. Xavier's first match was against Freddy's team. It was a hard game for the two teams but Xavier came out with the win.
When gym was over Academy 21 was having a Seminar on Social Studies. It lasted the whole resource. When it was over Xavier and Freddy went down to the detention room with the friends. It was finally the end of the day, time to go home. Freddy wanted to do one more thing before they went home. He wanted to go to the lake and go ice skating. Well Xavier wanted to go too, so they went. When they were done they went home.
I liked the storyline a lot, it was really creative idea; but you had a lot of grammatical errors and rushed parts of the story. Despite those errors I think you had a very good story.
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